silencio

Frustration

a part of the mind

confusion

a state of being unstated

anger

the clenched fists and tension in the body

the rage

flowing through

flood

and then stop

hope

the quieter part of the mind

quiet

the confusion ends

but the thoughts

the memorie

still flow through the veins

through the muscles

the tension alleviates the ever-going

never-ceasing

part of me that wants the quiet

the peace

silencio, por favor

Four Breaths

One…
breathe in…
The birds
listening to the birds
each one so different
Listen closely
find the direction
Listen to all of them
hearing their song
the chorus
all different notes
all one song
Two…
breathe out…
looking up
past the branches
the sunset
the clouds
quickly moving
at different heights
all different shapes
all different colors
Three…
breathe in…
the rays
the sun shining through
from somewhere so distant
to somewhere so near
shining onto the trees
the leaves
all different colors
all different shades
light dark
and inbetween
10,000 leaves
10,000 shades
the leaves fall and drift
with the wind
reminding me
of the precious days
we have here on earth
reminding me
to make the most
of every opportunity
Four…
breathe out…
wake up
to the reality
of a new day
a new hope
a new song
renewed by the Spirit
within
The one who breathes life
into my darkest times
in and out…

Not That Easy

Forgive

not forget

for myself

not them

But inside

I ask

How would they feel?

Is it possible?

Why do these memories flood?

The flood

every part of my body

every aspect of my life

They say it’s not that easy

but they do not understand

They do not understand

the battle of good and evil

inside my soul

inside my mind

inside my body

the very essence

of me

I am not those things

those awful events

the parts of my life

my very being

that I wish

and pray

and hope

I will forget

but I may never forget them

at least in this lifetime

What keeps me fighting

and hoping

running

and sometimes crawling

through the toughest days?

It is the light

the sun always rising

It is the hope

each new morning brings

It is that deep part of me

the deepest part of my soul

my inner being

the Holy Spirit

inside my body

The one

who strengthens me

and holds me

lets me know He is

always with me

There is no darkness

no pit so deep

no fire

no flood

nothing

no crevice

no hole

in this world

left untouched by God

no part of my life

no matter how deep

no place

without God

To Hope

To hope

is beyond words

beyond comprehension

that light you hold on to

when all you see is darkness

the world is chaotic

nonsense

no end in sight

everyone is evil around you

out to get you

the deepest

darkest

part of your life

but slowly

you emerge

from the darkness

the sun rises

bringing clarity

to the confusion

the thoughts that no one cares

turns into the realization

there are people who do

the thoughts that people are eivl

turns into the realization

that there is good in everyone

and it is that clarity

those realizations

that give life the meaning that God intended

We are not meant to be alone

not meant to just be one

We are called to join

and to realize that there are people

others

just like me

And together we fight

to keep going

when it seems like we

have nothing left to fight with

It is in those times

when the world seems the darkest

and emptiness invades

our thoughts

our minds

our bodies

our spirits

that we cling on to the hope

and we know that God

is renewing all of those parts of us

our thoughts

our minds

our bodies

our spirits

He brings light into our darkness

and we move forward

and change the world

The Truth

What is the truth?

The truth

is something that cannot be explained

It can

but not in this lifetime

The truth that we can understand

is that God is all around us

within us

above us

below us

He carries us

He lifts us

He takes th deepest, darkest places in our lives

those parts of us with pain and hurt

that fill the part like nobody can

The peace I feel

and the hope that sustains me

keeps me going

helps me to continue

and calms my fears and the doubt

when I am still

quiet

listening to Him

filtering out the noise

the need to be understood

The one who understands is most important

The one who accepts me and holds me

when nobody else is there

He never leaves

and he always carries

He created the birds, the sky and the sun

to remind us that we can fly

We can keep walking

running

He gives me strength

and tells me the truth

I am loved by Him

more than anyone here could love me

but there are a lot of people who do care

and they pray

Prayer is continual speaking to God

a constant renewal of my faith

and hope

and love

With God on my side,

I really have nothing to fear

Nothing against me shall prosper

or will

because He lifts me out of anything

With Him

there are tears

not tears of pain but tears of joy

there is fear

not fear of evil but fear of Him

there is love

not love of this world but love for God, myself and others

there is so much hope

and hope always endures

Endurance comes not from myself

not from my soul

not from my body

but endurance that can only come from God

The Journey

The journey of self discovery
is more about the path
It's about looking back
and dealing with the things
you would rather avoid
It is about coming face to face
with the reality
that you can either stay stuck
letting the past or future rule your life
or you can take control
by the power and strength
of God in you
moving forward
taking a step forward
and knowing
no matter what
God is there
He is with you
leading you
guiding you
loving you
as no one else can
The journey
is about
listening and being still
letting God be your guide
It is about taking the moments
when everything is falling apart
and letting God transform them
letting God do unimaginably
more than you can ask or imagine
It is God who gives you
the strength, courage, hope
you need
to keep moving
It is about finding
peace and rest
in His open arms
It is about letting Him
take your weaknesses, sins and regrets
and knowing you are forgiven
as you learn to forgive yourself
and reconcile relationships
with those who you have hurt
as well as those who have hurt you
It is about learning
what unconditional love really means
and not letting the pain and suffering rule your life any longer
We are meant to love each other
We are meant to love ourselves
We are meant to love God
We are meant to discover
what it truly means to
have joy in no matter what circumstance
we find ourselves
The journey is about
learning how to soar
above the storms
above the pain
above anything and everything
that is holding us back
Amen.

be still

This poem was written while I was in the hospital. I wrote it when I could barely control my arms due to muscle spasms, but I really wanted to express how I felt. I read it out loud to others in the hospital, even though I could barely even speak due to stuttering.

As I gaze at the sun
as the sky slowly transforms
from complete darkness
to blue
as the world goes from chaotic
a dark mess with a lot of noise
to a blanket of white
as snowflakes fall all around
the world is transformed
through silence
Sometimes all we need in the chaos
in the midst of the busyness of life
is to just be
be still and know that God
is with you
hear Him speak
with the still small voice
He speaks in the people around you
whether words are spoken
or not
He speaks in the animals
the eagles that soar over the storms
He speaks in the music I hear
and the verses that come
into my mind
It always starts with the
still
small
voice
That voice
The voice of the One who understands
and feels everything I feel
when nobody else does
That voice
gives me the
hope
strength
faith
love
peace
even in the midst of the chaos
when I am fearful and anxious
He can calm me
just as Jesus calmed the storms
He calms my fears
and holds my hand
and speaks to me
He is always there
Many have heard
that faith is believing even
when we can't see
or feel something tangible
but I can hear God
I can feel God
I can see God
I have hope even when
the foundation I stand upon
becomes unsteady
and everything feels like
it's falling apart
no control
It's in those moments
that I remember
God is in control
and He renews my life
and brings light into my life
even in the darkest times
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I don't fear evil
I don't fear those who
aim to hurt rather than love
because having God in my life
means that I will get through anything
Because God is for me
He is for everyone
I find shelter under the shadow of His wings
Those wings help me to soar
but they also are soft
just like He wraps
His arms around me
when I feel like nobody cares
I know He does
He always has and always will